Identity

Identity (1)

Everyone has an unique identity. Just take a look at our finger prints, no one in the world has identical hand prints. Everyone is different. Since we are different by default  and we are best being ourselves; why are we always in war with ourselves somewhat somehow? 

The moment such thoughts of I hate myself, I dislike being me, I don't like this such part of me and that; reason being, as much as we expect from others, we expect of ourselves too. We expect ourselves to do this, and when we fail to deliver, we get disappointed.  Why is this happening? Sorry to say in a not at all sympathize tone. We allow it by letting such incident, remarks, situations, or even past events to repeatedly churn out the same reaction out of us. We are responsible when we allow repetitive emotions accumulates. Especially the negatives ones. 

You may not even be aware. But Be aware now. Be drivers of our own emotions. 

Emotional habits is the toughest to correct. Because each time when such stress arise, most people get into the 'victimized' identity. It takes a lot of undo-ing thinking and  relearning thought processes to produce a good emotional habit. Tough work but can be done.   

Try: React to it differently each time a crisis arise, force yourself to feel different , act different each time no matter how shitty you feel or how it can hurt. U'll figure a way out. Logically, if this way doesn't work to keep your spirits up, there is no point continuing right? To many of us, because and every time a certain crisis arise we fall back into a zone to cause us to doubt even more. Get out of that zone when you fairly know, come-on, its not helping at all. Please try something else, don't waste time. Too much time spend being upset. 

When the tension of our identity crisis starts to accumulate. Our identity got stolen bit by bit when we start to have thoughts thinking; How I wish to be so and so. I wish I can just die, I hate myself.

They come like thieves in the middle of night, we are unaware but it is robbing our life away without us noticing. 

Start making the consensus today, be aware, of how you react to emotional waves that is affecting you today. Try a different reaction. No harm to try or make mistake over it, because; Welcome to the world with endless testings. There's just too many things that will and will definitely get on your nerves, my nerves everyday. 

.Keep trying and we will all get there.

Because there is no such things as failure in my life when I never stop trying.

I made up my mind a few years ago that I will always keep going no matter how I will to feel.

P.S Everyday, I am practicing habits that churn good emotions. No matter how shitty situations or things can get, or what I feel, it's ok. Feelings (Good or bad) come and go quickly for me, its not due to my character or personality that lousy things don't stay long or take root in me, Its a long tough road of practice along these years ever since I made my choice and stick with it. 

Because freedom in life is to be in control of our own emotions. Reap joy, enjoy happiness, to love and be loved. These are some of the things I practice daily. Be aware, make a change, create a habit, reap a destiny.

Love Seven Katie Buny 

Staying in truth

The storm

Have you ever looked out of your closed window during a windy day? As we looked through the glass panel, we see trees swaying like nuts? How strong the wind were bending trees and flipping the outdoor rubbish around? It is natural that we will conclude, that, wow strong crazy wind out there.

My question is, how do we determine that, there's strong wind out there? We can't see the wind isn't it? All we can see is its impact.

The wind is the natural state of the environment formed by the movement of moving air. Just like our lives, when we get in touch with the truth of life, knowing the empowerment behind it, we experiences its impact in our lives.

But for the world today, truth are being twisted and mind of human being darken. The world had taught us to live a life of me myself and I. A life of everything is about me I and myself.

Why are you hurting me?

Why are you doing this to me?

Why are you not sparing a thought for me?

..... why you and ....... to me, for me and me me me me me . . . . . . . 

No one is spared in this Babylonia world we reside in. The systems of the world had darken our thoughts and causes us to build a self image upon how others look at us, what others say about us, and how others treat us. In return resulting us to live in the " Image" projection of how others value us upon.

Our faith level starts to rely on how others will react on, or how others will say about such or such issues rather than on the solid truth in life. Our faith goes on an attack when someone close to us, maybe our parents giving us negative feedback and doubts or people who judge us; gave a remark of what we didn't expect of.

We feel hurt upon what other say about us, and what others do that affect us.

It is natural that the sinful human nature is unwilling to accept the truth, having responses which isn't in the same direction with them, because no one likes to be corrected. 

No one likes opposition. The nature of human is very argumentative. For we like to prove ourselves right, its the pride of the human that turn our mind away from truth. The argumentative in built self in every one do not like to lose in a confrontation.

Even for a human mind, we argued within ourselves. Argument can never result in peace. But speaking the truth does. The truth of a human heart. The truth of a concealed problem. JESUS is mentioned in the bible as the Truth, the Way and Life. 

Our human mind is so deceptive and complex, layered by ample of lies, pride, principles taught by the world, judgement, critics, prejudices and insecurities. 

We have to learn to stay by the truth. The truth in life which tells us eat right, exercise right, rest right will result in a good way of life. TRUTH

Be kind, be gracious, maintain a good attitude, have the spirit of excellence at all times. 



Seven



 

Live

Live. Life. Dance

.Live a life.

.Dance a life.

Since the start, I do not blog for information nor for anyone.

I merely blog to remind myself of my thoughts, events that happened, revelations of encounters and most importantly a track of my growth.

Truly I am,

I am greatly blessed along my walk,

maturing in challenges,

increasing in wisdom though revelations.

Learning through situations that habitually putting myself in the battle field of training;

To live a life, to dance a life.

Rhythms and momentum

balancing and managing.

To ride on the overwhelming of incidents happened,

to dance even when things get overwhelming.

The part of balancing is crucial.

In a time of challenge,

when I get infuriated,

I look up habitually,

look upon the Lord,

Sing his goodness,

get deeply grounded in his goodness of character and promises he has for me.

I look back into my blog,

look 
How much I've grown and keep the records of the glorious battles fought by my Lord Christ Jesus in my life.

What I am is limited,
but my capacity is not limited to my limits,
they can be trained,
they can be stretch.

This is a post of thanksgiving

And I hold strong to this in

1Cor10:13

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.
God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability,
stretch beyond your capacity.

For this I trust.
I trust. I live fearlessly. I cannot be tested beyond my capacity.
That's his promise for me.


    

Understand

Understand

Do you have the feeling that no one understands you?

And people falling shortfall of your standards? 

Or people who didn't measure up to what you expect?

Situations that fail you?

One who disappoints you?

This happens very much to almost everybody. Its a world we live in, balancing within ideal and reality; expectations and disappointments.I am reading my daily reading list, i start to ask myself why is the bible not just a set of rules and principles? But instead a book full or grace and mercy. Forgiveness and faith. Compassion and kindness. Truth and light. It says that the meek shall inherit the land. What is the land its talking about? I went through my study  guide and realized that it is the promises of our destiny. A destiny that leads to who God wants us to be. 

I've listening to a sermon on shame and guilt, disappointment and resentment. I relate it to the recent incident that had happened to me. Just on Christmas eve. It's completely out of my expectation and i ruin the dinner completely. Being hound by guilt and shame I didn't know how to face myself. I was extremely angry with myself and couldn't face the consequences I've resulted. I felt myself failing God and failing myself. I started my pity party on Christmas day. What a "pleasant" way to start Christmas. What a pity party to attend with just myself and me, a group of bitterness, resentment, self condemnation, guilt and unworthiness. It seems like they have gathered together like a legion. 

I shake that off me on boxing day. I made a grave mistake, and I have to face up to the consequences of that mistake causing shame to someone else. That evening on boxing day I hid into my secret closet and commune with Daddy God. I cried out to Him and pleaded Him to take away that sinful desire of mine. Alcoholism.

He showed me to proverbs 31 seriously and frankly I have to admit I didn't even know proverbs 31 ever existed.

31:4 Drunkenness might be understandable among unbelievers who are on the brink of death, but it is inexcusable for national leaders. Alcohol clouds the mind and can lead to injustice and poor decisions. Leaders have better things to do than that. (Life Application bible)

The words really slapped me hard this time round. God is totally aware of whats happening and totally. I read the words carefully over again and again. Word by word. People who are at the brink of death. Alcoholism.  But it is inexcusable for national leaders, leaders have better things to do than that. In that verse, 2 options hit me hard. One who is near death or a Leader? Its a choice. I am so upset over it and was sitting by myself looking 13th levels below me until a bangala worker appear out of nowhere from the rooftop taking photos. I looked at him and he looked at me. 

So when I saw this verse 2 hours after I came down. Proverbs 31 describes me and God gave me a choice who I want to be. Somehow I think that bangala maybe God's angel. And  God knows exactly whats going though my mind even when I shut off my thought totally from Him. Too much of guilt and condemnation, I can't feel think or have anything to do with God. I was overwhelmed. 

Coupled with the situation that I was going through and I seriously repented over it. If this hasn't happen, how would I ever know that I am not totally done with Alcoholism. Though a situation, definitely not a pleasant one, I paid a price for my action to reveal this part of me God wants to deal with, and entirely this time round. I found out in that incident that I do not understand myself that much after all but God allows this to happen to let me see myself clearly. To root this problem off once and for all. The consequences of this spiral me down into a deep deep slumber and a close to 20 hours of sleep. As usual woke up feeling as bad as it can ever be. Thankfully I didn't woke up and realizes it is 2013 like I last did in 2009. Woke up one day and realized oh, its 2010. 

Not just in handling disappointments and mistakes in our lives, we need a certain kind of mercy and grace for ourselves. This doesn't mean that we can willfully continue that mistake or allow it to happen but understand that perfection is impossible in human. We strive for perfection but in the midway when we stumble and fall in our character flaws, we need to have mercy and grace for ourselves.

In things that always seem wrong in our lives, may it be a way of living or a set of thoughts that has been teaching us to live our lives in our own ways; we learn to manage our set of in-justifications.

When a mistake is made, but seriously who will want to make a mistake on purpose so that he or she can be penalized? What's important is the valuable lessons learn in correction. If one has to make 100 mistakes to learn its correction, then hope he/she can stand the 100 consequences of the mistake made. As fast as we can move on rectify and understand which part of ourselves went wrong, we can correct it. 

Because we don't even understand ourselves, we find ourselves too complex to find the correct area to rectify the issue. 

Showing grace to ourselves during the trial and error is essential, for most part of the rectification is through the learning process of situations which are out of expectancy. Just like love is build over time, grace and mercy is build overtime as well. As much as situation come knocking on, there is a chance to exercise on the emotional muscles of the above. 

We are not god and can't play god in life too. If life is about playing the identity of god, what is there to look forward to? What is there to learn? What is the purpose of living?Why not all parent kill their babies when they are born? There must be a purpose in life. Like a friend of mine always say, its a blessing to be alive, because we still have the ability to change to make our life better.

What if everything we do were to go along with our plans and with no disappointment, setbacks, resentment, problem free at all. It that even call life? 

The main human sin character; even when things are absolutely perfect in our life, we will still be there creating problems for ourselves. Imagine a life with no setbacks, or disappointment? How do we even differentiate contentment and appreciation. 

Just like God wouldn't do our part in life, we can't play his role in life too. What we have to do is to manage ourselves and constantly adjusting to be align with what will be the best out of us. 

In this life everyone is in search of happiness and happiness can only be attain when one make peace with themselves.

I am learning too. In a process learning to show grace, kindness and mercy despite of situations. The maturity on being kind even when others are unkind with words towards me. Showing grace even when I am being treated unfairly. Sometimes a mistake made has the power to wipe away ample goodness you've done. But I told myself, don't be discourage, I am not doing it to redeem for my wrong but to do what the truth told me to be. 

Love

Peace

Gentleness

Faithfulness

Goodness

Patience

Kindness

Self control

Determination

be still and know he is God

When you have eternal in your heart,
you know and you know,
how joyful is that when you will to meet your ultimate love of your life.
Someone who watches over you 24/7
love you
encourage you
be there for you
talks to you
I have never seen him my entire life
but one day I will
I will walk my life gloriously and victoriously till the day I see you face to face
I am willing to carry that cross you've entrusted me
the cross of kindness is right here everyday,
right in my heart.
It is love.

Hope

Be still and know who He is

You with those tears in your eyes,

that heaviness in your heart,

that bad day hanging on your shoulders

Will you let the arms of heaven hold you close,

so He can whisper these words into your ear?

" Yes, I know about loss, I know it is hard to live in this world, I understand "

I count your tears,

I numbered your troubles,

I'm here with you and for you,

surrounding you,

with comfort and peace

until you step into eternity

where I promise to wipe every tear from your eyes

and place a forever smile on your face.

Be still keep up your faith

I love you.

Love Jesus Christ

Born in me

Everything inside me cries for order

Everything inside me wants to hide

Is this shadow an angel or a warrior

If God is pleased with me, why am I so terrified

Someone tell me I am only dreaming

Somehow help me see with heaven's eye

Before my head agrees, my heart is on it knees

Holy is He

Blessed am I

Be born in me

Trembling heart, somehow I believe

That You chose me

I'll hold You in the beginning

You will hold me in the end

Every moment in the middle, make my heart Your Bethlehem

All this time we've waited for the promise

All the time You've waited for my arms

So we might know that Love would go that far?

I am not brave

I'll never be

The only thing my heart can offer is a vacancy

I'm just a girl 

Nothing more

But I'm willing, I am Yours.

God is Love

John 1:12


No one has ever seen God; If we love one another, God abides in us and His love is perfected in us.


John 1:16

So we have come to and to to believe the love that God has for us. God is love and whoever abides in love abides in God.


John 1:18


There is no fear in love but perfect love casts out fear.

Understood

Understood and misunderstood

We all knows what is the meaning of being misunderstood.

When we tell a friend that we like their hair short, and when they hear, " I don't like your long hair "

We shake our heads and wonder how an innocent comment can erupt into a disagreement so quickly.

Sometimes we head to the self help section to learn how to fix the problem. 

Books tell us that if we can just learn to understand ourselves,

everyone else will follow suit.

But the closer we look inside, the more we discover we're a mystery as well.

Its like when we want to lose weight but we eat too much suppers.

We long to be kind to people we love, yet we raise our voices at them.

We desire to follow God faithfully but we find ourselves wandering off the path.

We don't seem to understand ourselves very well either.

This kind of situation is nothing new.

The prophet Jeremiah wondered long time ago,

" The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it ? "

Fortunately, Someone stepped in and answered the question by saying

" The Lord search the heart and examine the mind. "

There is this Someone who understands us completely.

All my motives, mysteries and misunderstandings are clear to Him.

He knows what you do and why you do it.

The best psychologist in the world can't hold a candle to the light God can shed on our heart and soul.

God is not in the business of keeping secret.

He is not sitting on His heavenly throne with His arms folded saying.

" You people go and setter out for your own ah! "

God is always speaking through our heart and through His words in the book of knowledge and wisdom,

through prayers, through other believers and even through our situations.

We grow up learning to pray,

" God, help me understand what to do. "

It seems more complex to pray,

" God, help me understand who I am. "

So we listen to other voices.

Where every book cover at the checkout stand seems to say,

" We understand you, and we've got the 10 steps to happiness you need. "

Yet the answers prove to be hollow, and we long again for someone to truly deeply understand and know every part of us.

When we were young, we play the passing of message game.

If we want to know the origin of the message, we have to go back to the source.

The same is true when it comes to being understood.

When we draw near to the One who knows us totally, we can ask,

" What is the truth about who I am "

What do You need to show me about my heart?

Whatever the answer may be, I can be sure God's love and grace will come through loud and clear.

I am totally understood.

For I am loved by Someone who understands me more than I understand myself.

Thank you Father for understanding me totally and wholesomely. You know who I am and what I am. You know why I do things and what makes me do it. 

I give my heart to You Lord,

You truly knows what I've tried and hard work done to love.

Father You alone knows how and what I have been through.

I am grateful to You for making me who I am now.

Always leading from glory to glory.

Thank you for loving me so much and so much!

I am so contented with life filled with Your wholesome grace and mercy.

The help advertisement

Photo By LiminaMike

In parts of our lives, we do put out help wanted ads looking for assistance with the dirty work that comes from our messy hearts.

The advert from our heart may sounds like this

Wanted

Someone to bring hope,

encouragement, and love to a fallen human being.

Hours varies,

with no guarantee of compensation

The content differ from each of us.

Some may need help with depression, while some might need assistance recovering from a broken relationship.

Perhaps someone else needs the support in getting freedom through an addiction.

Whatever it may be, we all long for someone to answer to the "help calls" written by our hearts.

Sometimes someone seems to apply.

A romantic partner comes into our lives, and we believe all of our troubles will go away.

Or

a new job promises a new beginning to our hope for future.

Another glass of whiskey that chases away the sorrows for a while.

But in the end, we realized that whatever we thought would give us help has actually contributed to the hurt.

Fortunately, there is someone who does promise to answer the help wanted adverts we post from our heart. 

One, who sees our need and responds.

When I was in the adolescences years of brokenness just 3 years back,

I was longing for a touch, some comfort and a place where I can rest my soul.

Pride held me away from people I newly know,

my newly adopted spiritual family.

Its hard for me to open up to tell them what had happened to me.

The only person I could speak to was God at that time.

I poured out my heart to Him, 

I told Him please please show me you love me.

Certainly I was helped,

the coming 2 weeks,

amazingly I received more than 10 hugs each day from people I know and people I do not know.

They just wanted to hug me, encourage me.

each time they hugged me as early as 9am in the morning will fill my eyes with tears.

I started to encounter God's love and helped of encouragements in a tangible way.

None of these people who hugged me know what I was going through,

weird enough they hugged and wept with me.

People who hugged me ranges from students waiting for A levels results to granny kind of age. 

I was truly comforted and I know God hears my prayers.

Jesus hugged me with the arms of many many others who has no idea of my cry to God.

I was helped at the very point.

Jesus is still providing such help daily when you ask for Him at your most desperate point.

He helped me, and he will help you too no matter who you are.

The glass slipper

photograph was taken by shermanl 

This is love; not that we loved God,

 but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins

1John4:10

From time to time as a little girl, we dream of being pursued.

Popular fairy tales reflect this idea.

We all seem to long for someone to seek us out and declare that we are loved.

Surely this desire is planted there by someone who is the ultimate pursuer.

In a believer's life, it is merely the love affair of the heart.

It cannot be lived primarily as a set of principles or ethics. 

It cannot be managed with steps and a program.

Our heart is the key.

There is just someone who is willing to reach down to us even before we can even reach up to him.

Others focus on standards of behavior, rules and making sure we are worthy.

But there is someone who doesn't stop pursuing us throughout our life.

Prince Charming may have stopped bringing Cinderella flowers or singing her love songs after the honeymoon.

But there's just a special someone who will continue to love and show us His love everyday though the beauty of the world around us and the blessings He sends.

The comfort in difficult times and a million other ways to show that He loves every single one of us.

He speaks to our hearts more often than we realize.

If there's someone who is willing to go such efforts on our behalf, what does He wants in return?

Well, it is much less complicated.

He just wants to be love us.

When I am quiet and still,

listening to the voice of my True love, I often hear him whispers,

I love you so much.

Touched

In ancient times, leprosy was one of the worst diseases you could ever imagine. it ravaged the skin and caused permanent damage or even death.

Therefore those people with leprosy were considered unclean and forced to live apart from everyone else, isolated.

Being alone and untouchable, a leper lived with constant loneliness and pain.

This kind of disease is no longer common in today's living for cure are available, but still,

in the now era, we can still relate to the leper's feeling of being unwanted, unworthy and unaccepted. 

If leprosy in the bible is also intended to represent the ugliness of sin or loss,

every single one of us is affected.

There maybe certain areas in our lives in which we don't feel accepted.

A crisis, failure or temptation may come into our lives by choice or situations causing us to be in defeat and unworthy.

Before we know it, our hearts were being torn apart, relationship starts to shattered, dreams being torn apart.

And others keep their distance from us.

They do not know what to say or do.

Then we in return withdraw and nurse our wounds silently.

We may think they're better off without me.

Yet somewhere deep inside us a longing remains.

It is the first desire we could ever felt.

As newborns, we arrived the world craving for the touch of another human being. 

Only touch can secure us.

We yearn for a touch to our hearts that says,

"I see you as you are, and I choose to enter the messiness of your life. I love you enough to reach out to you, You are worth it."

I remember in the bible in Matthew or somewhere, a leper says to Jesus,

Lord if you are willing, can you make me clean?

Jesus didn't said anything, he just reach out his hands and touch the leper.

Being isolated for many years, probably someone is just longing for a touch.

I believe today,

Jesus still stretches out his hands and lays them on the messy, broken places of our hearts.

It was his touch that set me free and love for me.

.

Those scars on your heart,

those sins and stains you hide,

they are not enough to keep Him away from you.

The One who washes your feet

washes your wounds too.

Can you feel His touch?

Its full of love and gentleness.

Healing what hurts,

mending what's broken.

He reaches out to you,

holds you and keeps you in His care.

Can you feel His touch?

It's always there.

Sometimes

Sometimes

Sometimes it seems as if silence is heaven's only answer.

But lean close enough i to this silence and you will hear a heartbeat within it.

 Love.... Love.... Love...

 This rhythm isn't always a yes to what we want or 

what we may think we need 

but its a yes to His ways and His plans, 

so much higher than ours. 

And Yes to who we are,

 to our relationship with Him, 

to whats forever best. 

You are heard and loved. 

You are held close in the arms of One who listens, 

even in the silence to every word.

valuable

Valuable

We step on scales 

Compare ourselves to others 

Try to measure up 

We all just want to know "What am I worth?" 

The heart of heaven declares 

That answer is infinite 

Beyond our ways

 More than we can know

 Because our worth doesn't come from what we do

 But to whom we belong to 

And you are his treasure

 Loved beyond measure.